It is said that more than any other culture, Chinese weddings are full of gestures and ceremonies ripe with symbolisms. The marriage ritual is in particular packed with three major themes i.e., ensuring fertility for good offspring, appeasing the ancestors and expecting material wealth.
Getting to Know the Family
The consent and blessings of parents are essential in a Chinese wedding. In order to convince them, few criteria must be met first; potential in-laws must be in a stable financial state, possess a proper background or a good reputation in society. Informal meeting between both parents will be held for understanding and ice breaking. Heart-to-heart discussions between parents usually occur in their children’s absence. When both families are convinced their children will marry well into a good and respectable family, only then a wedding is made possible.
The Proposal
After parents have agreed to the union, the groom’s parents will send a female representative to the bride’s home. The date of visit is set for both families to discuss plans and details for the wedding. Among the topics touched upon is the amount of wedding dowry, arrangements for the wedding banquet and the wedding date. Any bargain attempts will only tarnish the groom’s family reputation. The groom’s representative may have to make a few more visits until both sides reach an agreement. Besides that, she must also obtain the bride’s date and time of birth for determining the auspicious wedding date which is decided based on Chinese horoscopes and calendar.
Engagement
First there is the official engagement ceremony, where it is one simple affair for the engaged couple to exchange rings in the presence of their families. It could be done to give time to couples who wish to make proper preparations instead of marrying hastily. Secondly, a couple without undergoing an engagement ceremony could be considered engaged from the moment they agreed to marry. Chinese people usually prefer couples to marry instead as marriage ties are considered stronger and more secured bonds compared to engagements.
Guo Da Li: Betrothal Gifts & Wedding Dowry
An exchange of gifts will transpire between both families with the groom giving more. If the groom did not prepare enough gifts, he has to replace it with cash. The bride may also receive household items which is essential for her future responsibilities and duties as a wife. The wedding dowry must meet the exact demanded amount as it is a token of appreciation for the bride’s family and also helps to exhibit the groom’s financial capability.
Hair Combing Ritual
On the eve of the wedding, this ritual will be carried out at the bride and groom’s respective homes to augur luck for a long happy marriage, harmony, offspring and wealth. They will bathe in water infused with pamelo or pomegranate leaves to ward off evil elements. Each the bride and groom will then slip into new clothes. A married woman of good fortune must carry out this ritual. She must have a surviving husband, children and grandchildren. She could be the mother, sister, aunt or friend. The ritual consists of 4 combings with different meanings each.
First combing
Continuous from beginning till end, may you be together all your lives,
Second combing
May you have closeness and harmony in your marriage for a hundred years,till a ripe old age,
Third combing
May you fill your home with children and grandchildren,
Fourth combing
May you enjoy a long life together, till your hair and even eyebrows are white.
After this ritual, a bowl of sweet soup with pink and white rice ball symbolising a complete marriage union is served to the bride and groom. The bride’s mother will present her daughter a farewell gift; jewelleries and ang pows as the bride will leave her childhood home the next day become an adult and enter a married life.
The Wedding Day
The Chinese wedding will be a one day event. It begins in the morning with prayers and traditional ceremonies, concluding at night with a grand banquet. Prayers and the marriage solemnisation will be performed at a church or a Buddhist temple according to the couple’s religion.
- Fetching the bride
- Paying respect to ancestors
A middle person known as ‘Sam Poh’ will guide the bride and groom throughout the ‘Kow Tau’ and tea ceremony. During ‘Kow Tau’ the bride and groom must bow their head in respect 3 times to the bride’s ancestral altar. - Tea ceremony
The bride and groom will offer a cup of tea to the bride’s parents who will return the favour with ang pows. The ‘Sam Poh’ is given an ang pow too to thank her for performing her duties. The bride and groom will continue to offer tea to other older family members. - The bride’s arrival
The Wedding Banquet
As traditional ceremonies have been done, the wedding banquet is one social affair. It helps to introduce the newlyweds to all guests present there and celebrates their union. The bride often changes her outfit three times during the banquet. According to Chinese beliefs, it is impolite for guests to leave before all dishes are served. A Chinese wedding banquet menu is properly planned according to traditions. 8 or 9 dishes are served because 8 signify prosperity while the latter bear the meaning everlasting.
Wedding Banquet Events:
1. Speeches from parents, the maid of honour, the best man and even the bride and groom.
2. Toasts to the guests and sometimes a tea ceremony.
3. Cake cutting ceremony.
4. Games in the form of teasing to loosen up the bride and groom while amusing the guests.
5. A photo slideshow or video recording of the bride and groom with the newlyweds’
favourite songs playing in the background.
6. The bride and groom will greet guests from table to table and are often given a toast. The
Chinese have a unique way of a toast; everyone would stand up with a glass filled
with champagne, wine or non-alcoholic beverage and say “Yum Seng”. The trick is to say
“yum” as long as you can before ending with a loud “Seng!” It’s advisable to take a deep
breath to hold the “yum” as long as possible.
7. Depending on personal preferences, some couples will organise a dance towards
the end of the banquet.
The common menu in a Chinese wedding banquet:
Lang Pun/Leng PanShark Fin Soup
A Whole Fish
Sea Cucumber
Roast Suckling Pig
Prawns or Lobster
A Whole Chicken
Fried Rice or Noodles
Desserts like red bean soup with lotus seed,
sweet lotus seed soup with lotus paste fried biscuits, sweet buns, mochi
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