Merisik
‘Merisik’ means spying or seeking in Malay. Representatives or ‘Wakil’ from the man’s family will visit the woman’s family home. Through this friendly visit, the wakil will give a hint of the visit to the woman’s parents. This visit also serves the purpose of observing the potential bride and her family’s willingness to marry her to the man. In the case of arranged marriages, if the woman’s parents don’t agree to the union, the wakil will search for other potential brides. No formal agreements will be reached yet at this stage.
Meminang
This is only possible if the woman’s parents agree about the union. From here on, formal agreements will take place between both families. Meminang can be known as to offer or propose. Both families will meet up to set the wedding date and discuss the wedding details e.g., engagement ceremony, number of trips to be made, wedding dowries, etc...
Bertunang
This is known as the engagement stage. Some couples skip this stage to proceed with the wedding right away. This ceremony usually takes place at the bride’s home. During this ceremony, there will be an exchange of wedding dowries between both sides and usually the groom‘s side will receive more dowries. These dowries are given in odd numbers as the Malays believe even numbers will bring bad luck. The ceremony’s highlight is when the groom’s representative i.e., his mother or sister will wear the engagement ring onto the bride’s ring finger of her left hand. There will also be further discussion between both families and the engagement period will be determined.
Akad Nikah
The Akad Nikah is the most important ceremony in a Malay wedding because this is when the bride and groom will solemnise their marriage to be officially husband and wife. This ceremony can be held at a mosque, tok kadi’s office or the bride’s house. Tok kadi is a religious Muslim man whose duty is to solemnise the union between the bride and groom as husband and wife. He will act as the middle man and explain to the wedded couple the important duties of marriage from a religious point of view. This is done so that both bride and groom will perform their responsibilities well in their married life. In front of witnesses, the tok kadi will say the wedding vow which the groom must repeat after the tok kadi shake the groom’s hands. The groom must say the vow loud and clear. If the witnesses are not satisfied, the groom must repeat the sentences again. After that, the groom will wear the wedding ring onto his wife’s ring finger.
Adat Berinai
This is the process of applying henna artwork to the hands and feet of the bride and groom. This custom is said to be influenced from Indian cultures. This event will take place at the bride’s home. After it’s over, the groom will spend the night at his family’s home or a home nearby the bride’s. There are 3 stages in adat berinai.
- Berinai curi
Held 3 nights before the wedding, only the bride, close family members and relatives will take part. - Berinai kecil
Held 2 nights before the wedding, all family members, neighbours and friends can take part. - Berinai besar
The final stage of the adat berinai will be held 1 night before the wedding. Invited guests from both families can take part. The groom will only participate in this stage.
Bersanding
The bersanding ceremony will happen on the day of the wedding, to allow all guests, family, neighbours and friends to offer their blessing to the wedded couple. Both bride and groom will be dressed in their best wedding attire. A make-up artist known in Malay as Mak Andam will ensure the bride look beautiful on her wedding day. The wedding starts with the groom leaving his house to go to the bride’s house. Turmeric rice will be tossed in the air to welcome the groom’s arrival. Sometimes pranks will be pulled on the groom before he could reach the wedding dais or pelamin in Malay. The bride and groom will be treated like a king and queen on their wedding day. Silat performances will be held while the bride and groom are seated on a beautifully decorated wedding dais. There is also a custom to bless the bride and groom. Guests must first scatter some turmeric rice and fried rice grains to the left and right of the bride. Then they must pat some tepung mawar water on her hands and take a pinch of henna to smudge on her hands. The wedding will end with a grand feast where the bride and groom will be seated together for the first time as husband and wife to greet their guests. The bersanding ceremony can be held again too at different places just to ensure everyone has the chance to offer their blessing to the newlyweds.
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